Now you're a ghost in the light
by JustifyingEvil
Summary: BUZZFEED UNSOLVED. Ryan can't take it anymore and Shane is oblivious to the fact he may never see Ryan again, until he finds a letter. Warning, mentions of suicide.


It was a glorious Friday evening as the Buzzfeed office slowly became less hectic as people left heading home. Ryan Bergara sat at his desk staring at his computer screen hoping it would suck him in like a black hole. Yes, he was eager to leave and go home for the wrong reason. These past few weeks had not been the greatest. In fact, they had been the worst weeks of his whole entire life and the stress of it all had gotten the better of him. He had many reports and documents that were overdue. Unsolved as getting a small budget cut in the next supernatural season. It wouldn't have been a big deal but Ryan was slightly surprised as the show was doing well and he hoped to get a new piece of equipment to wow the fans and to catch ghosts obviously. Then there was Shane. They had fallen out big time at the start of the week and still hadn't really made up. It was a stupid fight come to think of it but things got out of hand and words, hurtful words were said.

Ryan shut down his computer and packed away most of his stuff. He wasn't planning on being back on Monday so he didn't want too much of his stuff needing to be collected. He took out an envelope from his bag that was addressed to Shane. He placed it carefully on Shane's keyboard before getting up and leaving, not looking back. Shane wasn't going to get the note till Monday since he wasn't going to be back in the office till then. Ryan got into his car and shakily placed his hands on the wheel, driving home with one thing nagging in his mind.

Just as Ryan left, driving down the street, Shane parked up and got out of the car in a huff. He couldn't believe he had left his phone charger at work, how stupid of him. There was no way his phone battery could last the entire weekend. Sure he could borrow a friend's one but that just seemed harder than just driving back to the office.

There were only a few people still there, working over time to meet deadlines. Shane, with his long lanky legs, strode across the room eyeing up his charger that was under his desk but something else caught his eye. A note lying on his keyboard. He got to his desk and picked up his charger and raised and eyebrow at this strange envelope before him. He picked it up and began to open it, wondering what could be inside. A letter from a secret admirer perhaps? Shane chuckled at that thought and unfolded the single piece of paper that was in the envelope. He recognised the handwriting right away as Ryan's. Confusion spread across his face as he began reading

 _Shane,_  
 _I guess I should begin by apologising for everything that was said in our argument on Tuesday. There were things that I definitely shouldn't have said and never would have if I was thinking straight._

 _I haven't been myself these past few weeks. A lot has been going on at work and in my personal life. It's been a lot of shit to deal with and I was stupid not to tell anyone when the thoughts started to pop into my mind. It felt like I was falling further and further down into a pit that I was never going to get out of. Now it's too late, I don't see a way out, apart from one way._

 _You have been such an amazing friend to me and I don't know what I would have done without you. I was scared I had ruined out friendship since you didn't want to talk to me. I'm such an idiot. You're my best friend and I've treated you like shit. I'm so sorry, I'm the worst friend ever. You would be so better off without me. Please forgive me for everything and for what I'm about to do. Maybe I'll make you believe in ghost huh? Not the time I know. Thank you Shane, I guess this is my goodbye._  
 _Ryan_

Shane stared at the note in utter disbelief. He scrunched the note in his hand and dropped his charger as he sprinted as fast as his legs could carry him. He had to get to Ryan no matter what. He jumped into his car and sped off in the direction of Ryan's apartment. The traffic wasn't too heavy, luck was on his side, hopefully. He prayed that he wasn't too late.

Ryan was in his bedroom. He sat on the end of his bed, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. His gaze moved down to his hands where he gripped a bottle of pills. Ryan being Ryan had looked this up. How many pills does it take to kill you? He opened the bottle and looked at the pretty white and round pills that would grant him freedom from his jail that was his life. He swallowed hard ready to swallow the pills. He tipped them onto his open hand, some bouncing off onto the floor. He dropped the empty bottle as he had no use for it anymore.

Tears streamed down his face as he turned his hand over letting all the pills fall like raindrops onto the floor. He was a coward, he couldn't bring himself to do it no matter how much he wanted it. He sat there crying his eyes out, thinking he had heard the front door slam shut.

Shane had arrived and was tempted to kick down the door but he already had a key that Ryan gave him ages ago so he used that and stumbled in not meaning to slam the door. Shane headed for the bathroom first, it was empty. The bedroom was next on his list. He opened the door and saw Ryan surrounded by pills. He rushed to his side and grabbed Ryan's arm. Ryan was startled at Shane's unwelcome arrival. Ryan looked at the taller man and fell onto his chest, crying louder than ever. Shane wrapped his lanky arms around the smaller man and just held him.

After what seemed like hours, they broke apart. Ryan dried his eyes, ready for Shane to start yelling but it never came. Instead what he heard was soft and comforting.

"Ryan. I need to ask you this. You haven't taken anything or done something have you?"

Ryan shook his head, shame and guilt written across his face. "How...how did you know?" Ryan whispered.

"I forgot my charger at the office so I went back and found your note" Shane took out the piece of paper from his pocket as proof.

Ryan gulped and sniffed "There was so much more I wanted to say but..."

Shane butted in "Hush Ry. Don't get yourself worked up. Let me clear this mess up, ok, then we'll talk."

Shane proceeded to pick up all the scattered pills while Ryan went to sit on the bed, resting his head on his propped up pillow. Soon enough Shane joined him. Ryan proceeded to tell Shane everything. They sat there talking for a good hour. Shane had firmly told Ryan that he was not leaving and was determined to stay the night. Ryan didn't argue, he had missed Shane.

"I wished you told me this before it got to this point. And I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend" Shane said.

"It me that's been an awful friend, not you"

"Stop beating yourself up about it. In the morning, we'll talk about what to do next and I'm going to be here by your side. You'll never get rid of me Bergara"

Ryan let out a chuckle and a huff. "I don't deserve a friend like you, Madej. Is there anything you want to get off your chest?"

"Nah. I've had enough of talking. Actually, just one thing. I need to borrow your charger. I dropped mine at the office"

Ryan let out a laugh. The first genuine laugh in a long time.


End file.
